WARNING: THIS POST DEALS WITH ADULT THEMES

for those of you who might have been looking forward to something titillating based on that headline, i’ll tell you up front that this is about my colonoscopy. 

for the one person who’s still reading…

like childbirth, most people who’ve gone through this won’t tell you the whole truth and i won’t either.  (so it’s safe to keep on reading) knowing too much detail won’t matter and it might scare you off.  suffice it to say that it was very doable and katie couric’s rendition was waaay too perky.

i was about six years late in getting my first coloscopy, a fact that displeased my doctor and he said as much.  loudly and clearly.  he’s not a grump (in fact he’s a cuter, thinner version of tom haverford from parks and recreation), he was being thoughtfully cautious since my father died of colon cancer.  (yeah, yeah, i hear you agreeing with him now)

trust me, i had a very good excuse for not getting on top of this.  i couldn’t help but think that it would be too much to deal with to find out bad news from the test while we were dealing with L and her cancer and bone marrow transplant.  and i didn’t have any symptoms of anything going on (caution: do not think this way since more people in the early stages have no symptoms). 

 okay, i finally felt like i could take the time off of work and c was able to clear a day in his schedule to drive me home and things are going great with l, so i scheduled the colonoscopy.  for good friday.  kind of funny. 

you’ve probably heard the horror stories of the prep for the colonoscopy.  what i heard from other people is that my doc was more strict about the pre diet than most others which was annoying at the time.  but after having gone through it, i can say thanks for that doc.  it may have been harder to limit what and how much to eat, but trust me, it was much easier to handle the prep because of the pre diet.  so after two days of restricted diet and only liquids on prep day it was onto the junk you have to drink.  it didn’t sound so bad in the directions… “drink ¼ of the preparation every 15 minutes”.  how hard can that be?  harder than you think.  mainly because the stuff is thick and tastes like salty chemical lemonade.  still, even that is conquerable, except that it made me nauseous (lucky me, one of the small percentage of people who get nauseous from the stuff) and cold.  so there i was with three layers of clothing, shivering, wrapped in a blanket and trying not to puke while pounding down the stuff to make me spend most of the night in the bathroom.  but i made it through. and was exhausted enough for a good night’s sleep.

by the time we left for the appointment the next afternoon, i was oddly satisfied because i knew i had aced the first part of the test.  (haha)

the people at the center where i went were very good, still, the whole thing is… um, as basic as it gets.  i’ve given birth three times, and that had its humiliations, but this was that even moreso.  as i sat in the room and waited i kept thinking about l and all that she had been through and told myself to not be such a baby.  i was tempted to call the whole thing off and i just might have had it not been for the fact of my father’s cancer. 

i’ll save the details here save to say that whatever they gave me to knock me out was a wonderful drug.  i was happy to have it over with, happier when doc haverford said everything was completely clean and most happiest when i could finally eat after almost two days. 

so if you’re in line to have a colonoscopy, please get it done.  trust me, if i can do this you can too.  just set your sights on a wonderful drug that delivers a great nap and the pizza afterward and you can get through all the rest. 

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3 Comments

Filed under medical

3 responses to “WARNING: THIS POST DEALS WITH ADULT THEMES

  1. I am glad by reading the above topic and it has proved to be helpful for me.

  2. Chris, glad to hear you were spurred on. Doc told me the same thing about the 5 years, but I doubt whether I’ll abide by that. There was a lot more fallout after the test that is still going on weeks later and I just can’t face that again. It was too yucky to talk about in the post.

  3. Marge, I may be the one person who kept reading! I’m very glad to know you had this test and that everything is fine. I’m not sure whether they gave you the same stuff I had–I mixed mine with orange Gatorade that initially tasted ok. But I was given a tip by a friend that worked: drink the stuff with a straw. You bypass your mouth and taste bud and don’t get suck of swallowing. Another thing…I thought I’d have a 10-year pass because my test was clean, but….no, five year’s because if Daddy’s cancer. I’m overdue for that test, so you’ve spurred me on.

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