the first thing i did this morning was run and check the closet where we keep the guns and make sure they’re all there. you can imagine my relief when i saw those shiny barrels peeking back at me.
then i checked to make sure we had three branches of government. saw chief justice roberts on one network, boehner on another and obama on a third. not one of them was standing in line filing for unemployment. whew!
did some research and found that we still had 50 states (and each one still had the same name! not a kazakhstan or yezbeekiebeekeestan in the bunch)
i consulted with a lawyer friend and made sure i still had the right to a speedy trial in front of a jury of my peers and that i couldn’t be slapped with unreasonable bail nor cruel or unusual punishment (just in case some liberal lesbians showed up to confiscate my guns and i had to pop ‘em). check.
read the morning paper, had good morning america on the tv, even flipped over to fox and they were all there. in a panic i checked facebook and this blog. still there. no shut down overnight by government enforcers.
drove by the post office and it was still operating, we’re still at war in afghanistan (most unfortunately), so the army, navy, marines, air force and coast guard are still operating, drove by a bunch of churches, synagogues and one mosque and they were all still open. even drove by some protestors who were yelling about socialism or healthcare or something.
called around to make sure that slavery is still abolished and that my women friends and i still have the right to vote. gotta say i was truly worried about those. there will still be an election in november and senators will still be elected by popular vote. there are still term limits for the president. poll taxes are barred. our kids (who are all older than 18) still have the right to vote. i’m still a citizen because i was born here. i still have to pay my taxes (i could do without that right), but i can’t buy alcohol anymore. nope, wait, yes i can. again. whew! that’s a giant relief!
there was a whole bunch more stuff i needed to check out, but it was a busy morning already. still, i’m kind of befuddled.
i heard that the united states constitution died yesterday and i couldn’t find any evidence of it.