terrible tips and tricks

every time the economy gets bad, the percentage of money saving tips and tricks explodes.  here we are again, in the middle of a particularly tough downturn and every print, electronic or tv magazine is doing segments on how you can efficiently use common household items for multiple uses or turn roadside finds into chic décor.

no, you can’t.

i recently read an article full of tips that were the most insane, and in some cases dangerous, ideas i’ve ever come across.  for your safety and for the sanity of a nation, please read the list of actual tips below and, remember the words of dwight schrute from the office, “whenever i’m about to do something, i think ‘would an idiot do that?’  and if they would, i would not do that thing.”

i am not kidding, these are real tips that were published. there were 101 of them.  they were almost all bad and these are some of the worst.

idiot tips and tricks

fly away curtains?  no problem, just slip a butter knife into the hem to use as weight.  (i guess they thought it was okay since they specified butter knife)

no bulletin board?  hang a sheet pan on the wall and use magnets to hold up your papers.  (is there a shortage of cork or bulletin boards?)

mismatched stemware?  turn them upside down and us them as candle holders.  (first all, get over your need to have matching stemware and second, can you not see how unstable that is?)

no place to hold your stationery?  use a cake pan with a lid.  (there are no drawers or cabinets in your home?)

no slippers?  use old plastic shopping bags.  (kind of lends a whole new meaning to bag lady)

no shaving cream?  use olive oil.  (why do you even have olive oil in the shower?)

dirty iron?  clean the bottom of the iron with salt.  (no, buy something called “iron cleaner” or get with the times and quit ironing)

no place to store hair ties or clips?  use an old toiletpaper tube.  (stop it.  you’re a grown up)

no camera case?  use a plastic soap holder.  (let me know how that works out in the shower)

no eyeglass case?  use your winter mittens.  (stop being so cheap)

no key chain?  use a binder clip for your keys and also a handy money clip.  (if you have to resort to this, you have no money to put in the clip)

no trivet?  use a mouse pad.  (yeah, especially the ones with the plastic film on top)

old eyeglass case?  use it as a manicure kit.  (because you’re using your winter mittens to hold your glasses)

iron in a pinch.  use your hair straightening iron.  (hope you’re not in a hurry)

slippery juice glasses?  slip some rubber bands around the glasses so your kids can get a better grip.  (and because they would never think of taking the rubber bands off the glass and snapping them at one another)

no travel pill case?  use a contact lens case.  (then put your contact lenses in your toothbrush holder, your toothbrush in your shaving kit, your razor on your shoe and don’t forget your camera in your soap case)

no ladle?  use an old ketchup bottle for your pancake batter dispenser.  (remind me never to come over for pancakes at your house)

no packing peanuts?  use real popcorn.  (because you don’t realize that warehouses have rats)

and the absolute worst of all:

dirty floor and no mop?  stick clean maxi pads on the bottoms of your shoes.  good for cleaning the floor and getting exercise too.  (at least they specified clean maxi pads)

okay, the economy might be bad, but that’s not excuse for being just plain stupid.


1 Comment

Filed under house, laughs, tips, Uncategorized

One response to “terrible tips and tricks

  1. Mike S

    They obviously didn’t check the price of maxi pads. Way cheaper to buy a cheap mop if the floor will be cleaned regularly…

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